Monday 10 April 2017

A Widow's Sexual Dream

photo courtesy of

 A widow in her mid-50s was perplexed by a short dream she had that featured a sexual encounter with her late husband. She found the dream neither upsetting nor particularly energizing. Mostly, she found it confusing, and she wanted some help understanding it.

A widow’s sexual dream
This dream was really brief. I had the feeling that there was more to it than the part I am telling you. But this is all I can remember. I was lying in bed, on my side, facing away from my husband—who in real life is no longer alive. I was getting ready to fall asleep, and I felt him sidle up next to me and begin rubbing my back. I was grateful for his presence and affection, but also a bit annoyed since I was trying to sleep. Then the backrub became more insistent and thorough, and it was becoming clear that he was interested in making love. I let my annoyance build and tried not to offer any signs to him that I was interested. I kept hoping he’d just quit and leave me alone. He didn’t get the hint, and finally, in anger—which I hoped wasn’t showing—I rolled over on my back and let him make love to me.

And that’s all I can remember of the dream. What I find so strange is that my reaction was completely out of character for me. Sure, during our marriage, there were times when one of us was aroused and the other wasn’t. But the lines of communication between us were excellent and we always tried to be sensitive to the feelings and needs of each other. Besides, making love at night was really an exception in our case. We much preferred “nooners” during the day when the sun was out and we still had energy.

I just hope this wasn't some real encounter with him "from the other side." We really had a wonderful relationship, and I would hate to show that kind of annoyance to him.

My discussion with the dreamer
I thought it would be a good idea to talk a bit about how our dream symbols are chosen for our dreams. I suggested that it was we, ourselves, who decided what images would be used in our dreams. I reassured her that her late husband might well have been present in her encounter. But if so, he was there in agreement with her, allowing his image to be used in order to teach her. If that was the case, then it would have come from him in a deeply loving state of mind. He would probably know of her reaction to his dream advances, and would not have minded. In fact, he might even have enjoyed her tiff.

In any case, the most important thing to do was to take a careful, studied look at the dream to learn what it was that she was wishing to express to herself. By doing that and uncovering the coded dream message, she would not only teach herself, but if her husband was involved, then she would honor him as well.

We’ll continue this discussion and work more on the dream on Wednesday.

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