A Widow's Sexual Dream: Post #3

photo courtesy of psychologytoday.com

A widow had a dream in which she had a mildly conflicted sexual encounter with her late husband. She was concerned that if she had really been visited by her husband in this dream, then she did not behave at her best. I acknowledged the possibility that her husband might have visited her in this dream. But if so, it was to help her deliver a message to herself. I suggested that the best way to honor his visit was to figure out what the dream was attempting to tell her.

We went through the “Tell me about it” prompts, taking each of her dream symbols and explaining it in metaphorically. Today, we’re reassembling the dream, replacing the symbols with the metaphors. As much as possible, we have tried to stick to the dreamer’s own words. The only exception is that I have added occasional phrases to remind the dreamer that all parts of the dream are aspects of herself.

Reconstructed dream

There is a part of my internal process that happens quickly, even when the situation is more complex than it seems. I am preparing to rest and sleep within myself. I am with the part of me that was my partner and best friend. With this part of me, I was blessed with a truly solid, supportive relationship. But at the moment I need my own space, and I am sending myself the message that I wish to be left alone. This other part of me has gone elsewhere; it is no longer with me. I am preparing to drift into another realm and to leave this one behind. But this other part of me makes physical contact with me. It enters my privacy. It shows affection and has an ulterior motive. I am appreciative of its strength and steadiness, but it wants something from me. It wishes to share the deepest gesture of affection. But this takes energy and concentration. I am procrastinating because I don’t want to confront or deny this part of me. I am taking the easy, cowardly way out. I want this part of me to understand that I wish to be left in peace. I need to be more direct, but I don’t feel like expending the energy it would take. I am feeling annoyance at the sense of being invaded. I am feeling unheard and, consequently, used. But I feel badly because I am not being honest. This part of me would have understood if I had been straightforward with it. It would have honored my wishes. Instead, I assume a submissive posture. I guess I am a real grudging lover at this point. I feel embarrassed and ashamed of my behavior.

The main themes in this dream

There are two themes that are prominent throughout this dream. First, the dreamer repeatedly expresses her desire to be left alone, to sleep and to “drift into another realm.” The second theme is about honesty, and since every symbol in the dream is about the dreamer, this is about being honest with herself.

Tomorrow we’ll ask her what this is all about.