Saturday, 15 April 2017

A Widow's Sexual Dream: Concluding Post



 photo courtesy of footage.framepool.com

A widow had a dream that involved a mildly conflicted sexual encounter with her late husband. She was concerned that if she had really been visited by her husband, she did not behave at her best. I suggested that, if he was there, then it was to help her deliver a message to herself. Perhaps the best way to honor his visit was to figure out what the dream was attempting to tell her.

When we reassembled the dream in its metaphoric version, two themes emerged. First, the dreamer repeatedly expressed her desire to be left alone, to sleep and to “drift into another realm.” The second theme was about honesty, and since every symbol in the dream is about the dreamer, this is about being honest with herself. (Scroll down to follow how we reached this point in the interpretation process.)

Now it was time to ask the dreamer, herself, what she makes of this.

The dreamer comments
Oh my God, this dream is an autobiography. I can’t believe it! What’s really interesting is that I still have the sense that my husband was there. But I also have the sense that he is totally at peace with our encounter. I get feelings of nothing but love and encouragement coming from him. Maybe it’s—as you say—because I got the message of the dream. Boy did that hit home!

Right now, I’m in a time of transition in my life. I’m exploring new directions—not so much in what I do, but in how I think about life and how I prioritize. Maybe that just comes with losing a loved one; we were very close, and I miss him terribly. But it’s time to move on, yes, even if it means drifting. I need to leave that life I had with him behind and explore who I am as a person. That’s tough for me. Like the dream said, it takes energy and stamina, and a lot of times I don’t feel like it.

So I do find myself kind of drifting. I think the term in the dream was “submissive posture.” That’s right. I take the path of least resistance, giving lip service to the new goals I have made for myself, but then allowing my grief and pain to pull me back. I know I just need more time, but this is like a no-man’s land for me. And it’s really uncomfortable.

In some ways, though, the dream really helped. What I mean is that, if my husband really did come to me in the dream, then he is there, now, and being supportive of where I need to explore in my life. It’s like he’s telling me, “You need to be firm and take the direction that’s right for you. But even though it’s a direction you need to pursue on your own, I’ll still be there in my own way, supporting you through it all.” I think that’s beautiful, and look at me: I'm crying.
                                                                                                                                                                           
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