Yesterday I finished restating a waking dream I had last week about a trailer being spray painted with gang graffiti. (You can scroll down to earlier posts to see how I arrived at my interpretation.) Here is my dream in its metaphoric version.
The dream restated as metaphor:
There is a part of me that lives in my own stress-free environment where all aspects of me are cooperative and get along. In this part of me, there is a strong, secure youthful presence. It is safe here. My whole state of consciousness—where I live in my body, thoughts, goals, aspirations, trials, pleasures, accomplishments and disappointments—is strong and secure. But it’s endured some buffeting, too. It’s time to reinforce this part of me and upgrade some outdated systems. Those include ones I can’t see, but are vital for smooth functioning. It also involves my first line of defense and how I look to others. But an angry, disenfranchised, unemployed male part of me that feels impotent and destructive has been left out, left behind. It is subverting my efforts to upgrade myself by defacing and taking something good I am doing and deliberately making it worse. Doing this only affects me, no one else.
A closer look
The message of this waking dream is clearly stated. There are two, distinct themes. The dream opens by describing some work I am doing on myself. This part is constructive, all about retooling and rebuilding my own state of consciousness. That is an activity that anyone interested in personal growth is constantly involved in. In my case, the dream talks about both tangible and intangible changes. Some changes are obvious to myself and others; other changes are more subtle. But all of them are about making improvements on how I view and deal with life.
Then comes the second part of the dream which describes a part of me that is (figuratively) kicking, screaming and complaining about the changes I am making. I began to laugh when I figured out this part of the dream, because it is completely true! Like everyone else I am human, and there is a big part of me that doesn’t like to change. Especially in this case, the changes I am making are about trusting in the universe and letting go of many preconceived ideas about life. These are ideas that I learned as a small boy, and giving them up is scary and uncomfortable. So, yes, there is a part of me that is alarmed by the direction I am taking. I feel out of control and increasingly useless. In my culture, I have always been taught that, if I am to succeed in life, I must plan and initiate my own success. Now, I am learning that it can be even more powerful if I still initiate, but then step back and surrender to something greater than myself. I am learning a new kind of trust. And, yes, it can be frightening at times.
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